Prep for Marriage

This week was a fun topic: preparing for marriage! Mostly, we discussed dating, which I found very interesting, like always. :)

The first factor that "narrows the playing field" is propinquity (geographical nearness). The next factor is physical appearance (health, familiar looks, culture, lifestyle). Then it's similarities. We touched on something called the Relationship Attachment Model. It has three categories: know, trust, rely,commit, touch. For a healthy relationship, you should know the person slightly more than you trust them, trust them a little more than you rely on them, rely on them a little more than you should be committed to them, and be committed more than you touch them. But, they should be slightly balanced. If one thing outweighs the others too much, the relationship isn't very healthy and probably won't last. All five categories, close to balanced but weighted in the proper order, are vital for a healthy, lasting relationship.

All dates should be planned, paid for, and paired off. This can correlate to the male's role as a presider, provider, and protector. Planned = preside: presiding can be taken as over looking the proceedings of things, so if the guy plans the date, then, in a way, he can be doing just that. Paid for = provide: by paying for the date the guy is acting as a provider for his date. Paired off = protect: pairing off with a girl can cause the guy to feel responsible for her and want to protect her.

There are 4 words for/ types of love:

• Agape = charity, general love for fellow man (someone you've never met)
• Philios = brotherly love, platonic
• Eros = passionate, romantic
• Storage = parent & child

Many people misinterpret the kind of love they are feeling and can therefore thing they are in love with someone when really they may just care for that person in a loving way (such as motherly love or charitable love). Also, misattribution of arousal can occur, such as an increased heart rate can be thought of as attraction. Working out or going on a hike with someone of the opposite sex can make people think they're in love with that person, just because they're heart rate is increased and they feel excited.

Dating is extremely important in developing a lasting relationship with someone. You should go on dates regularly and treat them with the fun and care they deserve. :)

Gender Differences and Same-Sex Attraction

We started off this week learning about the differences between men and women. We watched a John Stossel's Men, Women and the Sex Difference  video on the subject, which was incredibly interesting, and rather irritating if you're highly opinionated, but unfortunately it is not available to the general public. Here is a link to a YouTube video on the same subject if you're interested: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T20R_bf-B4s&playnext=1&list=PL29E6A647E768E7F9&feature=results_main. I think it'll be interesting even though it's not what I watched. I highly recommend watching Men, Women and the Sex Difference if you have access to it though, especially if you are a John Stossel fan like myself. Anyway, that's my sales pitch for the week. Here's what we came up with in class about the differences between men and women:

Females:

• more emotionally expressive
• better verbal skills at a younger age
• observant
• focus on the context of what is said
• nurturing
• see things in relation to each other
• can think about many things at once

Males:

• good spacial orientation (directions)
• focus on content of what is said
• protective
• aggressive
• competitive
• exclusively focus on one thing at a time
• providers

My professor, Brother Williams, observed in his own family that if one of his daughters was given a car, she'd carry it around like a baby. Or, she (or her sister, I can't remember) would take the fish out of the tank and carry them around, like a baby, which would kill them. Her parents would tell her that wasn't right, but she'd still do it. Then, with his boys, they'd make guns out of their sandwiches and shoot at each other. Again, their parents were surprised by this and tried to correct it. Obviously, this just goes to show that girls, in general are naturally nurturing and boys are more aggressive/violent. John Stossel's video supports this and also reveals the exceptions. Not every boy is aggressive and not every girl is really nurturing. This point is very important for the next topic we discussed: same-sex attraction.

Brother Williams explains the reasons for same-sex attraction the best in an interview done by another professor here at BYU-I, but again, the video isn't available to the public, so I'll have to try and sum it up as best I can. Basically, there is no scientific evidence to prove that homosexuality is at all genetic; people aren't just "born with it." Brother Williams, who is a Marriage and Family therapist by the way, summed up the process by which most people who consider themselves homosexual "become homosexual" something like this (I'm going to focus on men just because it's easier to explain, but for women it is pretty much the same process):

1. From birth, he is not like "the average boy." He's maybe a little more creative or interested in "girly" things, such as caring for things, creativity, or Barbies even.
2. His parents and/or other people around him think he's not normal or weird and try to get him to do more "boyish" things, such as being aggressive or violent.
3. Other boys reject/shun him because he's different. He's more comfortable around girls, so he plays and hangs out with them. He may even be told he is gay by both adults and his peers.
4. Around ages 10-13, boys and girls start to become interested in the other gender. Not in a sexual way, they just seem a little mysterious and exciting. For this boy, he looks at the other boys and longs to be accepted by them or seen as cool; he wants to fit in with them.
5. About 75-85% of homosexuals molested or sexualized in some way. If this happens, the boy observes that his body reacted to that and he begins to think and wonder about things. People always told me I was different. I never really fit in with the other boys. My body reacted to what happened. I must be gay. . . 
6. After being sexualized in some way, he then begins to experiment some how, with himself, pictures, or others. He discovered, or at least thinks he does, that he is aroused by men and that he's more attracted to them than women.
7. Experimentation provides himself proof, so he decides he is definitely gay.

Isn't that sad? Society was the initial cause of the boy thinking he was gay. What I think we need to gain from this knowledge, is that just because and guy acts more like a girl or a girl acts more like a boy, does not mean they are homosexual; for some reason they are just naturally interested in different things than what society says a person of their gender is normally. We should not pass that judgement. Difference is not wrong, it may even be a strength. We should learn to accept that not everyone is the same in their interests and personalities. We should know and spread the fact that homosexuality is not genetic. But, at the same time, we should not put down those that believe themselves homosexuals. We should help them understand why they are that way. Their conclusions about themselves came from confusion, so if we help them understand that they are just fine the way they are, they can realize that they are not actually homosexual, they're just different and being different is absolutely fine. If they can understand that they weren't born homosexual but came to "be that way," if you would, through the process above, then they can learn to fix it. There is process they can go through to loose their same-sex attraction, though I won't try to completely explain it here because I can't remember all the steps, but it involves separating themselves from the things that make them attracted to their sex and work on things that will move it to the other sex.

I want to finish with a quote Brother Williams shared from someone he knew: "For every on of you [male] gay couples, there are two women who will never have the opportunity to be married and have children in this world." What you does in fact affect other people, whether you think it does or not, and it affects our society. But, it is possible to change and find the help necessary to do so. For anyone that feels critical of anything I've said or doubt Brother William's experience and research, do the research yourself. Don't trust unofficial sites. Do good research, and you'll find that the scientists that tried prove homosexuality is genetic couldn't. They even said that, but it wasn't publicized. There's a book on it called Understanding Same-Sex Attraction: Where to Turn and How to Help. You can't always believe the press, you need to study things for yourself.

Social Class and Cultural Diversity

This week, we talked mainly on social classes in the US. As a class, we decided that social class is defined through education, income, family of origin, social connections, presentation, and luxuries. We also discussed the functions of family: provide support, provide means, teach (socialize), establish values, and provide a sense of security and love. Some other interesting facts I picked up:

• Having more than 1 food and form of transportation and having refrigeration puts most Americans in the top 5% of the world in terms of the standard of living.
• The biggest predictor of poverty is not having a father.
• Working brings families together more than vacationing does.
• Immigration causes strain on undocumented Mexican families.

The final thing we discussed was quantitative vs. qualitative research. Quantitative research has a large sample size, uses observations as a research method, and its strengths include lots of feedback, it's less embarrassed personal for the people surveyed, and it's easier to do. Qualitative research has a smaller sample size, uses questions as a research method, and its strengths are that it's more personal (1 on 1 interviews), allows for more communication, and can gather more information.

Sorry I couldn't provide a little more detail about the issues presented this week, such as same-sex marriage, but honestly I didn't take as careful notes as usual and I can't remember exactly what was discussed. I guarantee it was interesting, I just was too tired to remember it. But, I will say that there is definitely some evidence to show that same-sex marriages do have affects on children.

That's all I have for now and I hope I can say a little more next week!