The past three weeks. . .

Well, terrible me hasn't posted for the past three weeks, so I have a lot of catch-up to do. Since I wrote last, our topics of discussion in class have been Transitions in Marriage, Sexual Intimacy and Family Life, and The Family Under Stress. I'll start with the first topic.

When talking about transitions in marriage, we touched on the things that couples should discuss before marriage, such as who will be expected to be responsible for what in the home, who will work, how many children you will have, etc. There are 4 steps towards marriage that should have very clear and defined transitions between them: dating (going out with different people), courtship (dating exclusively when you're ready for marriage), engagement (prep for marriage and wedding, clarify plans), marriage (wedding, adjustments to life together). Studies have shown that having clear transitions leads to better marriages than does "sliding" from one thing to another. This requires working together and communicating. After marriage, the couple's marital satisfaction level tends to increase, until the birth of the first child, at which point it drops and then levels off. Each consecutive child leads to the same drop in satisfaction. Then, once the children begin to leave the house, satisfaction begins to increase again. Now, a decrease in satisfaction does not mean that the individuals do not love each other, they just are not as satisfied as at the beginning of the marriage. Also, generally couples agree more after their first baby is born, but the husbands tend to perceive less agreement. To help prevent this and keep the marriage strong, couples should continue to date, even during pregnancy, and the woman should do all she can to involve the man with the pregnancy and the child(ren). Take him to appointments, share the experiences with the baby during the pregnancy, design and prepare for  the baby together, come up with a name together, and express your appreciation for everything he has done for you. In general, make him feel necessary and appreciated. :)

Sexual intimacy. . . unfortunately we only had one class period on this, but it was good. Basically,  sex isn't as easy and wonderful the first time as the media has makes it out to be. We are taught to cover and protect our bodies all of our lives, and then suddenly we can share them with someone else. . . how could that ever be easy?? Also, the first time for both partners is a mutual learning experience, so there's no way it could be perfect with bursting fireworks. The advice our professor gave: on the honey moon, approach intercourse as a precious gift. Unwrap it slowly and carefully. Take your time; there's no need to rush and it doesn't have to happen the first night!

Crises. . . well, the big thing we talked about was something called the ABCX model. "A" is for "actual event," "B" is "both resources and reactions,"C" is "cognitions,"and "X" is "total experience." A, B, and C add up to X for a family crisis. If experienced in the proper way, crises can bring families together. But, if dealt with in the wrong way, they can drive families apart. 50% of the time, after a couple loses a child, within 2 years they're divorced. During a crisis, we tend to be only easily aware of things consistent with our emotions, which, as you can imagine, causes problems. But, helping others (removing self-focus) resets our brain and allows more openness and can therefore aid people when they're going through a hard time. Pretty much, people just need to work on keeping a healthy perspective on things when they are going through a hard time so that they do not drive themselves or others away from their family. Families are extremely important and everyone should do whatever it takes to keep them together!