The past three weeks. . .

Well, terrible me hasn't posted for the past three weeks, so I have a lot of catch-up to do. Since I wrote last, our topics of discussion in class have been Transitions in Marriage, Sexual Intimacy and Family Life, and The Family Under Stress. I'll start with the first topic.

When talking about transitions in marriage, we touched on the things that couples should discuss before marriage, such as who will be expected to be responsible for what in the home, who will work, how many children you will have, etc. There are 4 steps towards marriage that should have very clear and defined transitions between them: dating (going out with different people), courtship (dating exclusively when you're ready for marriage), engagement (prep for marriage and wedding, clarify plans), marriage (wedding, adjustments to life together). Studies have shown that having clear transitions leads to better marriages than does "sliding" from one thing to another. This requires working together and communicating. After marriage, the couple's marital satisfaction level tends to increase, until the birth of the first child, at which point it drops and then levels off. Each consecutive child leads to the same drop in satisfaction. Then, once the children begin to leave the house, satisfaction begins to increase again. Now, a decrease in satisfaction does not mean that the individuals do not love each other, they just are not as satisfied as at the beginning of the marriage. Also, generally couples agree more after their first baby is born, but the husbands tend to perceive less agreement. To help prevent this and keep the marriage strong, couples should continue to date, even during pregnancy, and the woman should do all she can to involve the man with the pregnancy and the child(ren). Take him to appointments, share the experiences with the baby during the pregnancy, design and prepare for  the baby together, come up with a name together, and express your appreciation for everything he has done for you. In general, make him feel necessary and appreciated. :)

Sexual intimacy. . . unfortunately we only had one class period on this, but it was good. Basically,  sex isn't as easy and wonderful the first time as the media has makes it out to be. We are taught to cover and protect our bodies all of our lives, and then suddenly we can share them with someone else. . . how could that ever be easy?? Also, the first time for both partners is a mutual learning experience, so there's no way it could be perfect with bursting fireworks. The advice our professor gave: on the honey moon, approach intercourse as a precious gift. Unwrap it slowly and carefully. Take your time; there's no need to rush and it doesn't have to happen the first night!

Crises. . . well, the big thing we talked about was something called the ABCX model. "A" is for "actual event," "B" is "both resources and reactions,"C" is "cognitions,"and "X" is "total experience." A, B, and C add up to X for a family crisis. If experienced in the proper way, crises can bring families together. But, if dealt with in the wrong way, they can drive families apart. 50% of the time, after a couple loses a child, within 2 years they're divorced. During a crisis, we tend to be only easily aware of things consistent with our emotions, which, as you can imagine, causes problems. But, helping others (removing self-focus) resets our brain and allows more openness and can therefore aid people when they're going through a hard time. Pretty much, people just need to work on keeping a healthy perspective on things when they are going through a hard time so that they do not drive themselves or others away from their family. Families are extremely important and everyone should do whatever it takes to keep them together!

Prep for Marriage

This week was a fun topic: preparing for marriage! Mostly, we discussed dating, which I found very interesting, like always. :)

The first factor that "narrows the playing field" is propinquity (geographical nearness). The next factor is physical appearance (health, familiar looks, culture, lifestyle). Then it's similarities. We touched on something called the Relationship Attachment Model. It has three categories: know, trust, rely,commit, touch. For a healthy relationship, you should know the person slightly more than you trust them, trust them a little more than you rely on them, rely on them a little more than you should be committed to them, and be committed more than you touch them. But, they should be slightly balanced. If one thing outweighs the others too much, the relationship isn't very healthy and probably won't last. All five categories, close to balanced but weighted in the proper order, are vital for a healthy, lasting relationship.

All dates should be planned, paid for, and paired off. This can correlate to the male's role as a presider, provider, and protector. Planned = preside: presiding can be taken as over looking the proceedings of things, so if the guy plans the date, then, in a way, he can be doing just that. Paid for = provide: by paying for the date the guy is acting as a provider for his date. Paired off = protect: pairing off with a girl can cause the guy to feel responsible for her and want to protect her.

There are 4 words for/ types of love:

• Agape = charity, general love for fellow man (someone you've never met)
• Philios = brotherly love, platonic
• Eros = passionate, romantic
• Storage = parent & child

Many people misinterpret the kind of love they are feeling and can therefore thing they are in love with someone when really they may just care for that person in a loving way (such as motherly love or charitable love). Also, misattribution of arousal can occur, such as an increased heart rate can be thought of as attraction. Working out or going on a hike with someone of the opposite sex can make people think they're in love with that person, just because they're heart rate is increased and they feel excited.

Dating is extremely important in developing a lasting relationship with someone. You should go on dates regularly and treat them with the fun and care they deserve. :)

Gender Differences and Same-Sex Attraction

We started off this week learning about the differences between men and women. We watched a John Stossel's Men, Women and the Sex Difference  video on the subject, which was incredibly interesting, and rather irritating if you're highly opinionated, but unfortunately it is not available to the general public. Here is a link to a YouTube video on the same subject if you're interested: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T20R_bf-B4s&playnext=1&list=PL29E6A647E768E7F9&feature=results_main. I think it'll be interesting even though it's not what I watched. I highly recommend watching Men, Women and the Sex Difference if you have access to it though, especially if you are a John Stossel fan like myself. Anyway, that's my sales pitch for the week. Here's what we came up with in class about the differences between men and women:

Females:

• more emotionally expressive
• better verbal skills at a younger age
• observant
• focus on the context of what is said
• nurturing
• see things in relation to each other
• can think about many things at once

Males:

• good spacial orientation (directions)
• focus on content of what is said
• protective
• aggressive
• competitive
• exclusively focus on one thing at a time
• providers

My professor, Brother Williams, observed in his own family that if one of his daughters was given a car, she'd carry it around like a baby. Or, she (or her sister, I can't remember) would take the fish out of the tank and carry them around, like a baby, which would kill them. Her parents would tell her that wasn't right, but she'd still do it. Then, with his boys, they'd make guns out of their sandwiches and shoot at each other. Again, their parents were surprised by this and tried to correct it. Obviously, this just goes to show that girls, in general are naturally nurturing and boys are more aggressive/violent. John Stossel's video supports this and also reveals the exceptions. Not every boy is aggressive and not every girl is really nurturing. This point is very important for the next topic we discussed: same-sex attraction.

Brother Williams explains the reasons for same-sex attraction the best in an interview done by another professor here at BYU-I, but again, the video isn't available to the public, so I'll have to try and sum it up as best I can. Basically, there is no scientific evidence to prove that homosexuality is at all genetic; people aren't just "born with it." Brother Williams, who is a Marriage and Family therapist by the way, summed up the process by which most people who consider themselves homosexual "become homosexual" something like this (I'm going to focus on men just because it's easier to explain, but for women it is pretty much the same process):

1. From birth, he is not like "the average boy." He's maybe a little more creative or interested in "girly" things, such as caring for things, creativity, or Barbies even.
2. His parents and/or other people around him think he's not normal or weird and try to get him to do more "boyish" things, such as being aggressive or violent.
3. Other boys reject/shun him because he's different. He's more comfortable around girls, so he plays and hangs out with them. He may even be told he is gay by both adults and his peers.
4. Around ages 10-13, boys and girls start to become interested in the other gender. Not in a sexual way, they just seem a little mysterious and exciting. For this boy, he looks at the other boys and longs to be accepted by them or seen as cool; he wants to fit in with them.
5. About 75-85% of homosexuals molested or sexualized in some way. If this happens, the boy observes that his body reacted to that and he begins to think and wonder about things. People always told me I was different. I never really fit in with the other boys. My body reacted to what happened. I must be gay. . . 
6. After being sexualized in some way, he then begins to experiment some how, with himself, pictures, or others. He discovered, or at least thinks he does, that he is aroused by men and that he's more attracted to them than women.
7. Experimentation provides himself proof, so he decides he is definitely gay.

Isn't that sad? Society was the initial cause of the boy thinking he was gay. What I think we need to gain from this knowledge, is that just because and guy acts more like a girl or a girl acts more like a boy, does not mean they are homosexual; for some reason they are just naturally interested in different things than what society says a person of their gender is normally. We should not pass that judgement. Difference is not wrong, it may even be a strength. We should learn to accept that not everyone is the same in their interests and personalities. We should know and spread the fact that homosexuality is not genetic. But, at the same time, we should not put down those that believe themselves homosexuals. We should help them understand why they are that way. Their conclusions about themselves came from confusion, so if we help them understand that they are just fine the way they are, they can realize that they are not actually homosexual, they're just different and being different is absolutely fine. If they can understand that they weren't born homosexual but came to "be that way," if you would, through the process above, then they can learn to fix it. There is process they can go through to loose their same-sex attraction, though I won't try to completely explain it here because I can't remember all the steps, but it involves separating themselves from the things that make them attracted to their sex and work on things that will move it to the other sex.

I want to finish with a quote Brother Williams shared from someone he knew: "For every on of you [male] gay couples, there are two women who will never have the opportunity to be married and have children in this world." What you does in fact affect other people, whether you think it does or not, and it affects our society. But, it is possible to change and find the help necessary to do so. For anyone that feels critical of anything I've said or doubt Brother William's experience and research, do the research yourself. Don't trust unofficial sites. Do good research, and you'll find that the scientists that tried prove homosexuality is genetic couldn't. They even said that, but it wasn't publicized. There's a book on it called Understanding Same-Sex Attraction: Where to Turn and How to Help. You can't always believe the press, you need to study things for yourself.

Social Class and Cultural Diversity

This week, we talked mainly on social classes in the US. As a class, we decided that social class is defined through education, income, family of origin, social connections, presentation, and luxuries. We also discussed the functions of family: provide support, provide means, teach (socialize), establish values, and provide a sense of security and love. Some other interesting facts I picked up:

• Having more than 1 food and form of transportation and having refrigeration puts most Americans in the top 5% of the world in terms of the standard of living.
• The biggest predictor of poverty is not having a father.
• Working brings families together more than vacationing does.
• Immigration causes strain on undocumented Mexican families.

The final thing we discussed was quantitative vs. qualitative research. Quantitative research has a large sample size, uses observations as a research method, and its strengths include lots of feedback, it's less embarrassed personal for the people surveyed, and it's easier to do. Qualitative research has a smaller sample size, uses questions as a research method, and its strengths are that it's more personal (1 on 1 interviews), allows for more communication, and can gather more information.

Sorry I couldn't provide a little more detail about the issues presented this week, such as same-sex marriage, but honestly I didn't take as careful notes as usual and I can't remember exactly what was discussed. I guarantee it was interesting, I just was too tired to remember it. But, I will say that there is definitely some evidence to show that same-sex marriages do have affects on children.

That's all I have for now and I hope I can say a little more next week!

Family Interaction

This week was about family theories. First, we made the distinction between hypotheses, theories, and laws. An hypothesis is an educated guess, applies to a specific situation, and is the application of a theory.

Theories are attempts to explain phenomena that we observe. A law is a "truth" as we understand it.

There were four basic theories we discussed: Conflict, Symbolic, Exchange, and Family Systems. Our main focus was on the Family Systems Theory which emphasizes that the family whole is greater than the sum of the parts.

I also learned about unspoken family rules and came up with some from my family:

• Don't call Mom and Dad by their first names.
• Don't bite.
• Don't spit.
• Don't swear.
• Do your homework.
• Get good grades in school.
• Rinse your dishes after dinner.
• Don't eat anything between meals without asking.
• All the meals are to be eaten as a family.

All of these rules (or acceptable behaviors) were never really said out loud, but my siblings and I knew we had to obey them or else there would be consequences.

The last thing we discussed this week was family mapping. Mapping is a way of showing how individuals in a family interact and the boundaries they have between each other. It's a little hard to explain them exactly without a picture, but I will say that there are three basic types of boundaries: diffuse, clear, and rigid. Diffuse is when one family member is overly involved with another family member (ex: a mother is overly protective of her daughter). Clear boundaries are healthy boundaries because they mean that the individual interact and are not overly influential or protective of each other. A rigid boundary means that there is hardly any interaction or communication, like there's a wall there (ex: a reclusive son never talks with is parents or siblings).

Like usual, this week was interesting. Unfortunately, I didn't have any amazing experiences like last week, but it was still fun to learn about family interactions and made me think more about my own family and how well we all get along with each other compared to some other families out there. I love my family, both nuclear and extended!! :)

The Wonders of Society

This week in Family Relations was full of interesting things I never knew before. But, before I get into that, I suppose I should probably sum up the first week of classes, because I learned a lot of things then too. So, some of the most interesting things I picked up from class last week:

• Gay marriage was never an issue until about a month after Proposition 22 was passed in California outlawing gay marriages.
• People that practice cohabitation, contrary to popular belief, are actually 3x more likely to divorce once they get married.
• If there is a differing of opinion between parents and their teens when asked about how the parents treat the teens, you should trust the teens because parents are more focused on their intentions than they are on their actions and don't see the flaws in their discipline
• The best way to find out if a research source is credible is to look up information about the author and/or their resources. Are they authorized to be giving information on the subject? What is their research and publication history? Are their sources credible?

Last week was focused on research strategies. This week was about family trends. Almost everything we learned and talked about I didn't know before. Like most people around the world, I had heard and absorbed all of the myths spreading around society about families. So, for those of you who are just like I was, I'd like to share the things I learned that go against the accepted "way of things," but first I need to say what exactly the family trends are that we have been discussing: waiting longer to marry has been increasing (the average man gets married around 28, and the average woman around 26), cohabitation has been increasing, birth rates have halved and fertility rates are decreasing, non-marital births have increased by ~40%, the number of employed mothers has increased, household sizes have decreased (the average household size is 2.06), divorce rates have increased, living alone has increased, and premarital sex has increased. Now that you know what trends I'm talking about, here are some tid bits I have picked up:

• Marriage is the most important contract you will ever sign, yet it is the ONLY contract that is not binding, in that you can just drop out of it if you decide you no longer like it.
• However, divorce is not as common as many people may believe; about 3/4 of Americans will never experience divorce  Keep in mind, that includes people the never get married, but still! Most people think that about half the people that get married will get divorced, and that's not the case. There's still hope!
• 60-80% of people cohabitate (I'm not sure if this is worldwide or in the US, sorry)
• Premarital sex has always been around, so people a "long time ago" weren't perfect either! (Naive me never really thought about that, but you smarter people already figured that out.)
• A book titled "Population Bomb," published in the late 1960s, caused a national assumption that populations will always grow and that growth will have bad effects on the environment and society. This is not the case. Population growth has continued to increase since the 1960s, but fertility rates have dropped because of the world-wide fear of over-population. The drop in fertility will eventually lead to a major drop in population because there won't be enough people in the new generations to make up for the deaths of the people in old generations. Replacement rates need to be 2.13 for populations to be stable, but every developed nation in the world is below that, with the US being the closest to a stable population because it's rate is just below 2.13. Children are necessary to continue our race people! Races in Europe are in danger of dying out because their fertility is so low!!
• Social Security: when it was set up, fertility rates were high so there were ~13 people working to support 1 person's retirement. Currently, it is 3.5 people working to support 1 person. Soon, like when the Baby Boomers reach retirement, it will be 1 person working to support 2.5!
• The baby boom wasn't just caused by the end the war and the happiness and family building it caused. Population growth also skyrocketed because medical technology was advancing as well. Interesting thought, huh?
• The world is not as populated as you might think. For example, Brother Williams said today that if every family in the US was given 1 acre of land, they could all live in Texas. That may or may not be entirely true, not to discredit my professor, but the point is still there: we are not in eminent danger of over population.
• Growing population is not necessarily a bad thing. We have twice as much food available worldwide, with twice the population, as in the late 1960s when "Population Bomb" was written.

Phew! Now you know why my week was so amazing! I'm learning so much every day about my most favorite thing in the world: families! Anywho, that's this week, so until next week: Chao!

Welcome to my blog

Hello! My name is Rebecca Powell. This is my first semester at BYU-Idaho and I love it so far! Everyone I have met so far has been really nice and friendly, my classes have all been interesting, I really enjoy my roommates, I love my apartment, and most of all I love the Spirit I feel all over campus and how gospel-oriented all of my classes are. So, just a little bit about me: I came up here to Idaho from Katy, Texas, though I call Idaho home because both of my parents grew up in Idaho, we visit almost every summer, and most of my family lives here. I have 6 people in my family, including me: my parents, a big brother, a younger sister, and a little brother.

My eldest brother is actually 2 years married with a little boy just born this past April.

I'm an aunt and I ADORE my little nephew!

I am majoring in Marriage and Family Studies with an emphasis in Home and Family. I absolutely LOVE horses (though, sadly, I'm very allergic to them) and have tried my hardest to learn as much as I can about them, even though I have never taken riding lessons are gotten anything close to owning one! I am taking a cluster in Equine Sciences though; I'm so excited! My favorite colors are pink and blue, I love to read, and I taught myself how to play the piano when I was 8 and have been very slowly progressing since then. I also play the violin and love to sing. I love and am very grateful for my family, including my extended family, and wish I could spend time with them every day! Lastly, I am very grateful for my membership in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints and all of the blessings and guidance it has provided me throughout my life. I look forward to the rest of my semester, the things I will learn and the friends I will make!